Transformation starts from the moment we’re born. Erik Erickson talks about the stages of life and shows how we’re constantly evolving. He pinpoints the eight stages of psychosocial development such trust vs. mistrust, autonomy vs. shame/doubt, initiative vs. guilt and more. I can definitely relate to many of these being ingredients on my journey of transformation. But I must remember that I chose this journey. And really, we’ve all chosen the journey of transformation, whether we know it or not – it’s inevitable. I didn’t consciously realize this until I was 30ish – I had just been cruising. I’m sure my soul was tuned in to my transformation but I wasn’t mentally or emotionally aware of it.
My realization of transformation began when I was living in Aspen. At that time I was the Area Manager at a high end luxury store in Aspen and Vail. I had my degree in fashion retailing + marketing and was on the career path of fashion. I was doing well and found my job rewarding… at least in regards to my ego and my bank account. But in moments of inquiry, or hurt, or stillness… or darkness, I asked, “Where am I going? What am I doing?” Then I would listen. I would listen if there were a deeper call to do something different. One day, after asking this question, I clearly heard that things weren’t working – my relationship wasn’t working, my career was no longer fulfilling and it was time to expand and move on. I was terrified. But I answered the call for change and to honor that wise voice within.
My first step was getting my Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica, which was obviously a huge shift from working with a luxury retail brand. I found the school through trusted friends, and even though it was a thousand miles away and a big financial commitment it felt right. My mom was dumbfounded, but I was just so curious about human psychology, it felt deeply aligned and I applied for this program.
For six months, I traveled between Aspen and Los Angeles, attending monthly classes at USM. I was struck by how different my life was in these two locations, so much so that I decided to fully commit to living in LA, as it felt like the location where my authentic self felt safe to shine. To this day, I have such a love for LA – it truly is my City of Angels. My life transformed in the arms of those angels. The ocean, the cool, funky vibes of Venice, my conscious community, the nurturing food, juices and lots of sunshine… it was home. And yet, this was still such a hard time. I no longer had an employer paying for all of my expenses – I was on my own. But I trusted myself to make it through, to let it unfold.
And as I was in the midst of figuring it all out my health opportunity struck. This was a huge catalyst for transformation, especially because transformation often lives in the darker moments – the moments where we’re taken to our knees. While I don’t necessarily look forward to those moments, I also honor that my connection to the divine is enhanced during those times. I’m forced to tap into the trust that it’s all happening for me - for my growth and evolution. In these times I feel like the Phoenix rising from the ashes. And everything happens when I’m in the fire - it feels so hard but it’s ripe with transformation and a huge opportunity to wake the f@ck up. It’s a message that I need to ask, “What am I doing that’s not in alignment with my truth, my soul?”
After asking this question of alignment, I received clear guidance that first led me to a life-changing, four month stay at the Optimum Health Institute. This was a decision I made to heal my body, to unplug and to reset. From that, I was deeply inspired to birth Living Wholly. And now, here I am… still steeped in transformation but living out my highest calling and feeling the joy of having a spirit that’s smiling (most of the time!)
But as I’ve learned from my 40 years of life, nothing stays still and I will undoubtedly continue to transform. One thing I know is that as I persevere on this path I have to keep being aware of how I’m showing up, and intentional in my commitment to wellness on every level. For example, waking up at 5am to do my sadhana is a crucial part of my wellness and intentional transformation. Having that regular time with the Divine helps me slow down and listen to what my next step needs to be – from that space I can make clear + conscious choice. So, I’m always tinkering with the art of living. It’s a wild journey.
As I continue to consciously walk the path of transformation I’m also aware of how incredibly hard it can be to keep doing the things that serve my highest self. For example, when I stick to the really-not-easy commitment of not drinking alcohol, eating clean, and doing my super-early practices every day, my life accelerates and rapid expansion occurs. The blocks dissolve. Things happen faster. But honestly, I’m sometimes confounded when I see friends dancing through life, making moves, realizing dreams, and feeling amazing, all without doing the rigorous practices I choose to do. However, when I step back, I remember that we all came to this world with different paths and I just have to accept mine, remembering that when I am on a committed path and honoring the ways of being I know are best for my unique self, I feel purposeful and aligned.
To help me through the growing pains of transformation, there are various practices I lean on to soften the edges and guide my way.
Transformation is such a monumental part of my life – I’m guessing you can relate. Everything I’m doing was birthed from transformation, whether it was my own, or my dream to support others in their transformation – both Living Wholly and Attune emerged from this vision. AND highly exploratory with room for epic shifts within. How is that showing up in your life right now as we navigate the pandemic and the mysterious waters day to day?
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